As my one year mark is almost here, I try to find out how I’ve grown and how my relationships have changed. These are the biggest because it doesn’t matter if I don’t look in the mirror for a day, or don’t touch every inch of my skin under the tips of my fingers. These are the kind of changes you feel in the little cracks in your bones that slowly widen until it feels like your back is about to snap in half.
My relationships never were easy. How could they? I would have troubles to deal with someone with the same social skills as me. I’m not funny, quick, outgoing, extrovert, but the quiet kid that starts shaking when being asked something. But I always tried. I tried hard to be the best friend I could be. Loyal, faithful, loving. I absolutely love people.
The differences between different kind of friends is getting noticable. On one hand I have my solid group of friends. They would yelp at the door about how they loved my voice, or that I looked different and then continue the same as always. Nothing changed for them, just a name.
On the other hand I have the people who felt it necessary to judge on my behalf wether being transgender was truly who I was. They hurt me over and over again, not caring about what my life was like for a bit. Everything changed. I changed. Still that’s fine, that’s life. But you don’t have to expect to be able to continu without an apology, because you found it so difficult, or just needed to make your point. I’m not taking any of that anymore. I had my heartache over people like that. No more, good riddance.
A month ago I came across a little graphic with the text 'Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself.' and you know what, that’s excactly what I’m gonna do. I will strive each day to make me the best I can be.
This is my book, I’m writing my own legend!
- Internship has started again, so I’m gone for most of the week. Now that the boss knows I’m a transman there’s a lot less pressure. I’m happy I can comfortably wear a shirt only, instead of at least a buttonup or sweater over it.
- Got a letter in the mail from my hometown to let me know they got my file updated! That means I’ll go to the town hall on Monday and get a new ID!
- Although I am feeling rather well lately, I’ve ben having these very strong emotions. They just come and go. I also think I had a proper hot flash on Wednesday. Yikes!
- I’m saving up new shirts for after top surgery. No need for old stretched ones.
Guess what this guy did today?
I changed the gender marker and my name on my birth certificate! I went to my wee home village today and visited the town hall. The lady who helped me told me I was the third person who came for the change since the new law.
I am so excited! I will get new pictures tomorrow, go to my current village hall next monday to send in a request to get a new ID. With a bit of luck, I can pick it up in the beginning of September.
Flying with an old ID - Experiences as a Transman
Last week I boarded two flights from the Netherlands to the UK and back. I am currently in the proces of getting a new ID with chosen name and male gender marker, but we booked the tickets earlier meaning I had to fly with my old ID.
The clinic where I am being ‘treated’ for genderdysphoria gave me a letter explaining why I may not look like the picture on my ID and don’t match the gender marker. I took these to enforce my story if anything would occur. I decided beforehand to show the letter next to my ID to prevent questions.
From Schiphol (The Netherlands) to Glasgow (Scotland)Checked my luggage and myself in beforehand. Went to Border Security and handed over my ID and letter. I decided to hand over the letter because I already had trouble identifying before I was on Testosterone. The B.S. guard had a look at both of them, but let me through without a question or word.
Next was Customs. Of all checks I dreaded this the most. I’ve heard some very positive as well negative stories about customs over the last few years. I didn’t wear a packer. I don’t feel the need to pack everyday and figured that it wouldn’t help if they choose to have me frisk searched.
The metal detector detected something so a stern looking guy told me to spread my arms and legs. He was very thorough (as a good customs officer should be), but as he came to my chest area, he stopped and asked me what the tough surface was. I replied with: ‘A Binder, I’m transgender.’ He just nodded. The thing that amazed me was the fact that he didn’t ask me if I wanted a female officer for the frisk. It made me feel rather uncomfortable, but I was quite relieved that I didn’t have to go through a body scan. However, it made me feel very dysphoric and self consious
On the way to Scotland I had to ID two more times. No questions asked, no things said.
From Glasgow to SchipholOn the way back I had no problems with border security or customs whatsoever. I got one reaction to the letter at the check-in desk. The lady told me I changed a lot. Very decent, all very neat. Although I had the idea that the officers from the UK were more serious about it on the whole. They really checked my picture twice.
My stepmum had to go into the body scan, but she was the only one out of six.
I took of my walking boots because I thought that was the thing setting the metal detector off in the first case and it worked.
- It wasn’t that bad in the end
- If it makes you more comfortable, ask for a female officer to perform the frisk
- Ask for a letter from the person who’s prescribing you your hormones
- You can’t completely avoid frisks, but if you want to try your best,put on clothes with as little metal on it as possible. Take of boots too.
- You’re not the first one to fly :)